What To Say to Someone Cutting Themselves

You suspect that someone you care about has been cutting themselves, but you’re not sure what to do next. It can be difficult to decide what to say to someone who is self-harming, yet you know that ignoring the problem won’t make it go away. The more you understand about what your loved one has been doing, the better prepared you’ll be to make a positive difference in their life.

If you or someone you love is struggling with self harm and need support. Call us today or head over to our admissions page to start the journey to healing and recovery!

What Is Cutting?

Cutting is one of several self-harming behaviors. People also sometimes refer to this category as self-injury, nonsuicidal self-injury (NSSI), and self-mutilation.

Regardless of the term, self-harm refers to intentionally inflicting pain or damage on your own body. In addition to cutting, other forms of self-harm include:

• Pinching or burning your skin
• Inserting needles or other sharp objects beneath your skin
• Pulling out your hair
• Punching yourself
• Hitting your head or other body parts against walls or other hard objects

In certain contexts, people can consider actions associated with eating disorders, such as extreme dieting or excessive exercise, as self-harm.

Research indicates that self-harm is most common among adolescents, especially girls in their early teens. However, people of all ages and genders have been known to engage in this behavior.

Why Do People Self-Harm?

If you’re unfamiliar with cutting or other types of self-harm. You may be at a loss as to why someone would intentionally hurt themselves like this. There’s no single cause of self-harm, but many people who purposefully injure themselves do so for reasons such as:

• The behavior is a symptom of bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, or another mental health condition.
• They feel that they have lost (or never had) control of their life. Intentionally hurting themselves is a way to assert some level of control.
• They are punishing themselves for what they believe to be an inherent flaw or because they feel they have failed at something.
• They have been experiencing a greater degree of stress or emotional turmoil than they can handle. Self-harm is a way of giving a physical presence to their psychological distress.

As indicated by the term nonsuicidal self-injury, people who engage in self-harm are not attempting to end their lives. However, a 2020 study in the journal Psychiatry Research determined that acts of intentional self-injury are “significant predictors of suicide attempts” among adolescents.

What To Say to Someone Who Is Self-Harming

In addition to deciding what to say to someone who is self-harming, it is also important to consider how to broach the topic, where the conversation should take place, and if other people should be involved.

Factors Influencing the Setting and Participants

These determinations can be influenced by a variety of factors, including your relationship with the person who has been self-harming. For example:

• If the person is your spouse, partner, or another adult who is very close to you, a private conversation in their (or your) home may be best. 
• If you discover that your child has been harming themselves, and you’re not a single parent, you may want to involve your spouse or partner in the discussion.
• If you are teacher and you see evidence suggesting that one of your students has been self-harming, you may want to first reach out to their parents as well as to their guidance counselor or the school nurse.

What to Say: Conversation Starters

Assuming that you have a close personal relationship with the individual, here are a few examples of what to say to someone who is self-harming:

• “I’ve noticed that you seem to have a lot cuts and bruises that don’t seem to heal, and I’m worried about you. What can you tell me about what you’re going through?”
• “You seem to be under a lot of stress lately, and I’m concerned that you might be struggling to manage it in a healthy manner. What can I do to help?”
• “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to come right out with it: I think you’ve been cutting yourself, and I’m really worried about you. What’s going on, and how can I help?”
• “You may not want to discuss this right now, but I need to let you know that I’m concerned about you hurting yourself. When you’re ready to talk about it, I’m here.”
• I know you’ve been dealing with a lot lately, and I think you’re self-harming as a coping strategy. I know it can be hard to talk about this, but we can’t ignore it. What’s been going on, and what can I do to help?”

Important Considerations for the Conversation

As you’re preparing for this conversation, here are a few other things to keep in mind:

• This should be a true conversation, not a lecture. That means you may be listening more than speaking. Pay attention to your loved one’s responses, as they can give you valuable insights into their current mindset.
• Don’t make accusations or issue ultimatums. Your friend or family member is in crisis. If you threaten or speak down to them, the most likely results will be that they will shut down and shut you out.
• This isn’t about you. You should mention the signs you’ve been seeing, and you should definitely reinforce that you love and support them, but the conversation should not focus on how afraid, concerned, or upset you are.
• If you’re worried that your loved one might be considering suicide, ask them. Bringing up this topic won’t “put ideas in their head” or elevate their risk of attempting to end their life. Instead, it can demonstrate to them that you truly care, and you’re willing to have uncomfortable discussions if they led to positive outcomes.

If you fear that your loved one is at imminent risk of suicide, call 911 or contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can access the Lifeline via their website or by calling or texting 988 from any phone in the U.S. This service is staffed 24/7 by trained professionals who can assess your situation and connect you with appropriate resources in your area.

Learn More About Treatment for Self-Harm in Atlanta

Depending on the extent of your loved one’s needs, they may benefit from outpatient treatment to help them overcome the urge to self-harm.

Novu Wellness offers personalized mental health services at the partial hospitalization (PHP) and intensive outpatient (IOP) levels, including evening IOP and virtual IOP options.

In each of these programs, your friend or family member can receive focused care and compassionate support from a team of skilled professionals. Working together, we can help them understand the root causes of their behavior and learn to manage their self-defeating compulsions.

To learn more about how we can help, or to schedule a free assessment for your loved one, please visit our Admissions page or call us today.